It had been a week since I moved back to my apartment. After parting and promising to see each other every day, not minding the distance, I started my new work in a new company.
The first few months, Tristan and I see each other every day. If not every day, then every other day. And every time we did, it always ended with sex.
At first, I didn't mind it. But after a few weeks, I sensed that something was not right.
In the beginning, we see each other after work. Then it became seven in the evening. Then nine. After that, it jumped to twelve until it turned to two in the morning.
The everyday became every other day. Then once a week and turned once a month. And each time, it ended in sex.
----
Inside his car, my lips were clamped tight, ignoring him. He knew that if I was quiet, I was angry.
We were on our way to my place. He was in the area from a meeting and promised to take me home after work. But instead, he kept me waiting for four hours.
"Why are you angry? Come on, tell me," he probed.
After much pleading from him, I gave in.
"You're late again. How many times is it now?! You don't even have any more time for me. It's always I who has to make time for you. To accommodate your schedule. To always wait for you until two in the morning. What kind of meeting is that that takes you until early in the morning?"
He sighed a heavy breath.
"This again! How many times do I have to tell you that I am under so much pressure right now? Taking over the company is no walking down the park. Why can't you understand that all I'm doing is for our future?"
His voice was calm, but he said it slow and low, almost gnashing his teeth. I knew that he was suppressing his anger.
I kept silent.
"This is ridiculous! I'm pressured from work! And now, I'm also being pressured by you?! I don't have a resting place anymore!"
". . ."
Resting place?
So I'm just a resting place to you? You would come to me for happy times.
I thought being in a relationship meant facing everything together, come happy or troubled periods. If you wanted a resting place, you might as well dig your hole in the cemetery!
I closed my eyes. It was always like this. He always asked me what was wrong, but never really consider my voice –– never hearing the plea and grievances of my tone. He always countered me with his work, saying that it was for our future. In turn, I'd always feel guilty and forgive him.
I wonder.
Is it too much to ask for just a bit of his time?
Is it too much to ask not to be late even for once?
Is it too much to ask to meet at least two times a week?
Is it too much to ask not to have sex and just chat and cuddled even for an hour?
When did I become so needy for his love?
Was it that time when I'd given him everything I had?
I wanted him to love me the same way that I love him with everything I've got.
I was ready to give up my work to be with him ahead of time.
I was ready to sacrifice my client so that I wouldn't be late in our meetings.
I was ready to ditch everyone just to meet him every week.
I was ready to sacrifice sleep so we could chat and cuddle all night.
Why?
Why?
Why can't he do it like I can?
I smiled bitterly at myself.
Even so . . .
I didn't want to let him go.
----
A month passed that Tristan and I didn't see each other. We messaged and called, but it always ended in fights.
But even so, I held on. Thinking that he was doing all of this for our future. After we marry, all would be alright.
Until my classmate in college who worked for Tristan visited me and showed me pictures of Tristan kissing and hugging a woman.
I blanked out. The reality numbing my senses. It was not just my heart that was broken, all my bones were breaking.
The pain was too much that death would have been better.
I didn't know how it happened, but Tristan was already on the other line of the phone.
"Let's see each other." I was surprised that my voice was calm as the breeze blowing in spring.
"I can't, not right now."
"I have to see you. Make time."
"I can't. I've already told you. I have a meeting."
I briefly paused and bit my lips before saying, "Meeting with Cristy, I bet. I didn't know that my best friend is so friendly that she's even sleeping with my man."
Again, I was surprised that my voice didn't crack even though my heart quivered like it would shatter into pieces.
. . .
. . .
"What are you talking about? Who to––"
"Since when?"
". . ."
"Why? I've given you all I have. I've given you my time, my love . . . my everything . . ." My voice cracked, tears racing against my will. ". . . But that's still isn't enough, is it?"
". . ."
"Why? . . . Why . . . did you change?"
". . ."
". . ."
"I didn't change. You just never know me."
----
A/N
If you're left angry with this chapter, then smashed that vote button to release some steam ^^