Since it has come to this... what should I do?
While searching for ideas in my head, lunchtime came. I ate alone, of course.
I'm guessing the family lunch we had the first day was an exception to the usual.
Instead, the family dinner must be a daily thing. If my guess is right... that means I will see that psycho tonight at dinner.
Sigh... I really have to think carefully about how to handle Paul...
If it were in my hands, I wouldn't meet him at all... But that's just wishful thinking. Being realistic, things won't go my way that easily.
He has a thing for Marianne... even though she is his blood sister. I really want to think of it as an ill obsession. So... Maybe... Is the only way ... to act sweetly with him?...
Ugh! Just thinking about it makes me want to puke...!
'... Well... I guess there's no other way... I'll have to suck it up...'
Terrified at my words, the body had started to tremble out of fear, most likely assuming their sickening fate.
'... let's tolerate the f*cker's torture. I prefer a million times to bear the pain than to fake being nice restraining the puke all the time.'
That little sh*t doesn't even deserve my Hollywood-level acting.
I poured out a dictionary of bad words to get the bad mood out of my system. Anne's body must have been truly shocked because she flinched at every bad word I said. Which I found very funny. Thus, I poured out a few more... of a higher calibre, of course. Hehe...
She should start getting familiar with these. I can't promise these words won't come out of this mouth in the future... Hihihi~...
Anyway, now I have nothing to do until dinner.
To pass time, I guess the easiest way is to read a book.
In the novels I read in my past life about reincarnation, the reincarnated people read books to know about the world where they reincarnated. Therefore, I suppose I should do the same...
'...but I don't want to..(?)' — On the inside, I tilted my head making a disgusted face.
'Ah~aaah~~Ack~!!!! I can't stand studying. Seriously! Why!? Why should I?!'
I would grab my hair and tear it all off if I could! Just the thought of studying gets to my nerves! I never had to study that much but doing it was SOOOOO boring. I just, really...just– I really just don't like it!
'Haa~ I don't like it. So. I. Am. Not. Doing. It.' — I smiled broadly in my mind coming to a definitive decision.
Also, if I'm going to read something, I need that something to read. In other words, a book. Books are in libraries, and in historical novels like this one, castles have libraries. And, I live in a castle. Everything sums up for success.
It's time to go on an excursion... To the library!
With all the intention to let my body drive me there, I said that energetically... however, it... It doesn't look... like she knows the way..?
What to do?... I don't really want to call the maid for this... I want as little interaction with people as possible... Since I'm still not able to talk, it is so awkward to be around people without making conversation. It's not like I like to talk a lot, but I, at the very least, would like it if I could say a simple "hello" or "thank you", or even give a small smile, you know? But, sadly, I CAN NOT.
Life is certainly not easy...
Ah... now that I remember... There is not much time till my tea time... I'll wait until then. I will write beforehand a note telling the maid I want to go to the library after drinking my tea... and having a piece of cake of course. Oh... I drool just thinking about what the maid will bring...heheh.
I'll just wait for her, seating by the table. The view from there is quite nice. They placed the table very well.... huh?...wait... Is that it?
In a flash, the realisation came to me.
'She just sat there and looked outside... to pass time...'
Ah... really this is just beyond belief. A dry laugh that could only be heard in my head resounded loudly by the displeasing thought.
'Ah...really, Anne. Sweetie... this is just too much...'
This girl really didn't have the will to live... Did she even look outside? Or did she just sit there with a plain blank look?
'... Just how broken...? Haa... '
Whatever.
It's not my problem.
I don't care.
That's the past anyways.
"..."
'Concentrate on how we live from now on. You will get to see what else there is for us in this world. Happiness being one of those.'
I'm making a point clear here. I'm not smiling at all, neither on the inside nor on the outside as I tell this to Marianne. Her helplessness ticks me off, a lot. I'm getting sick of it. Because some of this helplessness is now mine too.
Which ticks me off even more.
'Ah... I don't know!'
Laying on the bed I looked at the roof. Without thinking anything clearly, about forty minutes passed with me laying useless like a bag of potatoes.
'Should I sleep?'
I took a pillow, a long one, and cuddled to sleep. If I were doing the body movement, these would be more lively, but I wouldn't be wrong to compare this to the motion of a sloth. Resigned by how slow I had become, I shut close my eyelids to get the randomly desired rest. And...
Just... juuuuust as I was about to fall asleep...
Knock knock
She has great timing, I admit. The door was knocked on.
I grumbled in my head as I struggled to get up.
'Annoying... just annoying things. Annoying life... Annoying people...'
I am annoying too. The worst one at that.
The maid came into the room, naturally.
"Mi..ss?" — The maid asked, confused.
She must have not expected me to be sitting on my bed. She searched for me because she didn't find me sitting by the window, which explains the confusion in her voice... So annoying... why are my conjunctions always right?...
So she did stay there all day!
Annoying.
So annoying.
The maid's accustomed behaviour, disrupted by my actions was more than enough of a confirmation of my deductions.
I didn't even nod to give her permission to do her thing. I barely managed to close my eyes because of my annoyance.
Thankfully that much was enough for her to get the hint it was alright to come in.
I went to the table and took my seat and observed how the maid swiftly organized and placed the porcelain tea set on the table. Everything looked so elegant and sophisticated... I like things like these... because they don't fit my old self.
I was physically weak but I did not look delicate at all. At least I didn't view myself as a delicate woman. I have a strong will and people said I had charisma. Somehow, I didn't think those qualities were ones of a delicate woman. Also... women of my world and my times... had feminism. So, being considered delicate, sometimes sounded like people belittling us.
I didn't think of it that way, though. In the end, we all have different opinions, different values, different lives... The problem has always been accepting and acknowledging everyone for who they are and think. But we are not perfect, the world isn't perfect either...
'Everyone does their best in their own way in the end. So with time, everything eventually works out just fine. Not perfectly, but advances are made, that's why everyone...just... needs to do... their best..... Why... am I having such deep thoughts...? .. so weird...'
As the maid filled the cup of tea, I raised my hand before she retreated a few steps behind me, shoving the useless thoughts roaming in my head. With gestures, I asked for something to write on.
Since I forgot to make the note beforehand, I had to do this, if not, I'm afraid I would forget to ask later.
"Uh?... ah– ye–Yes! Just a moment My Lady!"
With a puzzled look, the young maid went to my desk and brought everything necessary, bewildered by my seemingly unexpected request. And so, I wrote what I had in mind.
[After tea time, guide me to the castle's library.]
"Yes, Yes! I will gladly take you there, My Lady!"
She took a few steps back with an excited but a little dazed expression.
'She must be thinking something like, "what's wrong with this lady?"... Heh. I too would be amazed at such developments, hohoh~.'
I enjoyed the tea as I ate a piece of apple pie. It was so delicious I would have eaten another piece if it wasn't because I was already satisfied... the one I had just eaten was the size of two pieces after all...
Even though I finished my tea time, I stayed seated for a few more minutes. I wanted to enjoy the aftertaste of a good snack.
When I was finally ready to leave, I turned my head towards the maid who was a few steps behind me, waiting for my orders. As soon as she saw me turning my head, she immediately approached me. The girl must have been accustomed to Anne's poor signals because she was quick to understand the messages behind my little movements.
"My Lady, then, as previously stated. I shall guide you to the library."