I had to tell you this—although it should be obvious—but I had never been involved in any romantic experience in my whole, short life. Being bedridden and confined to the ward didn't pass as a charming point, it seemed.
Anyway, the only romantic development I had was a one-sided crush on a handsome internal medicine resident. Well, I also knew that there were a lot of patients and nurses who liked him, so there was nothing special about it. It was a feeling that naturally surfaced as the man attend to me during the winter when I turned twenty, and went away with the melting snow.
Deep, deep inside my heart, I had wished that the answer was the other one; the sacrificial kind. Then I just had to resolve myself on hating him, seeing him as something evil and revolting just as the human propaganda always told us; resolved myself to plan an escape.
But now I couldn't do that.
