Cathain's Pov~
I sat anxiously while fidgeting my fingertips inside the imperial carriage, which was heading towards the Dalton Duchy.
The past changed again!
It's only been a day since we got here but things are already changing so much.
In my timeline, the duke dealt with this assassination all by himself; whereas this never happened in the other timeline.
So, in the first timeline; she was sent back to the duchy along with her nanny and the knights as she was okay after falling into the pool with me.
The duke got off his work at the usual time and his carriage was attacked, but he swiftly dealt with it.
In the alternative timeline, which started after this main timeline got destroyed; the duke took her and didn't return to the imperial palace.
Thus the assassination attempt failed at that time.
But this time, everything is mixed up.
The duke left but came back again, that too he brought her with her.
Thus he couldn't deal with the assassins properly as she was with him.
My heart grew anxious as I thought about her.
She has never seen something like this- no she has, but doesn't remember.
Sometimes I feel lucky that she doesn't remember anything, but a part of me still wants her to recall me.
I lean back on the wall of the carriage as I chuckle at myself painfully.
I am still a selfish bastard.
I want her to remember me, but is there something good about me that can make her forgive me?
There are no good memories… I only gave her endless pain.
But I still dare to wish, to be loved by her someday.
Maybe she might one day look at me with the same smile that she has now, even after remembering everything.
Till now, I couldn't get close to her because she recalled nothing.
I didn't want to take advantage of her or use that fact as a benefit to quench my thirst for her love.
The day she will remember everything, she will push me once again.
She might have said that she had forgiven me, but there was a pain in her jewel-like blue eyes when she said that.
[A/N: He is talking about the time before her soul vanishes. Season 01, CH 210]
Even at that time, she thought of me.
She knew I would be left all alone once again, so she uttered those words to comfort me.
She was cruel, but the most innocent at the same time.
My vision got blurred and I knew that I was crying again.
What can I do except this?
Her memories still haunt me… just like she had cursed me before dying.
~When I am gone and you are alone, I hope I haunt you. I hope my face is what you see when you finally meet your demise. My only mistake was to love the wrong person~
Yes, she was right.
She loved the wrong person; if only she didn't love me, then she would never suffer all those tragedies.
No, if only I was clearer-headed and accepted my own feelings.
I might be poisoned, manipulated, and controlled… but nothing like that would happen if I didn't give them a chance.
I failed to understand my feelings which were buried beneath my so-called hatred and jealousy towards her.
I let them take advantage of that and caused my own misfortune.
Eleanora… my empress;
How I wished I could call her like that now.
How I wished to show my love just like my alternative self in the second timeline.
But I can't.
He would do it because he never made those mistakes in the first place.
It was my stubbornness to keep her beside me even after her death that I ended up using my own life force magic on her.
I kept transferring my own powers to her so that the body stayed fresh.
Even her soulless body was enough; at least I could see her sleeping peacefully beside me.
She was the cruelest person.
Instead of using her powers to escape, she transferred her all holy magical powers to me.
This cut off all the magic control I had over me and the poison in my body; forcing me to come to my senses and live.
She made me go through how it felt like to be lonely in a crowded place.
How does it feel when you have everything but are still helpless; trapped in a place with the name of responsibility?
How it feels like to wish for something that will never happen.
She made me realize how she lived her life.
And when everything was over, I finally met her again.
Who failed to go back in time just like me and was trapped in the abyss.
But her memories got merged with the Eleanora of the alternative timeline, who suffered from something that she never experienced.
Everything was my fault again.
But at least that mistake of mine stopped the history from repeating again.
As she had wished, I helped them with my remaining powers to create a whole new ending with the same starting.
An ending; which I might never get with her.
I can't imagine her in a beautiful white wedding gown as she walks towards me with a blush on her face.
I never gave her a proper wedding ceremony or a dress.
All I gave her was a shabby white prisoner dress.
So it's better that she never remembers, she better stay the way she is now.
Maintain the distance, so if she recalls the past one day and pushes me away; then I won't go crazy like before.
I don't want to see fear for me in her eyes, or the cold look on her sparkling eyes.
Yeah
As long as I maintain my distance, and control myself… at least I can stay beside her and protect her.
Because,
Even if you hate me… you can only be mine in your every lifetime, My Empress;
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.
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[A/N: The Vol 01 (1st 13 Chapters) of Season 01 is the story of the current leader's past life, which was about how and why she was executed by him. I will try to give a short note about the chapters which is related to this timeline too (^_^)]