** Harper **
Too many thoughts raced across her mind.
Harper remembered the countless times in college when she had pulled out her phone, staring at Eli's name in the contact list and itching to call him. There were tons of excuses she could use, tons of questions about the school and the city that she could've asked him unsuspiciously. But every time she felt tempted to press the button, her eyes would lock onto that profile picture she saved, and she would remember the last day she had seen him at his graduation ceremony.
She would remember the person next to him that was cropped out of the picture. His girlfriend.
It was the only time they had met, and Harper couldn't even recall her name. But she still remembered clearly the beautiful blonde with her glamorous princess waves, bright sunshine smiles, and perfect curves that even the oversized graduation gown couldn't hide. She was gorgeous, polished, everything the opposite from the little girl who always slouched next to Eli wearing glasses and pajamas.
Harper had known since then that it made no difference whether she was still into him or not. She wasn't his type, end of the story.
But she wouldn't say that out loud, because she knew without a doubt that such sentiments would only trigger a lecture on confidence and self-assurance from Chelsea. So instead, she said, "It's irrelevant. I don't have time for dating anyway, work is busy enough."
"Lies," Chelsea scoffed. "Work is busy enough that you have time for writing web novels? And besides, your book screams that you need to get lai—" She cut herself short, her eyes lighting up anew. "Guess what, I have an idea. You want to improve that book, right? I think what you need most is some real life relationship experience to draw from. Why don't you use this opportunity to, you know, ask him for help?"
If that series of comments had come from anyone else, Harper would've dismissed it as mildly obnoxious and completely ridiculous. But she knew her trusted friend only had her best interest in mind, and considering her current mess of a situation, she actually gave it a serious thought. "Ask him for help?"
"Yeah, not in a typical editor sense but in a more personal sort of way. You haven't had a boyfriend for too long. How could you expect to get those intimate scenes right if you don't even remember how it feels?"
"… I get my inspirations from other books," Harper defended herself.
Chelsea scoffed again. "That's not the same! You can read all you want about how delicious a chocolate cake is, but can that compare to trying it yourself? You can't do it justice in your own words if you don't even know the heavenly taste you missed out on!"
That analogy struck.
Maybe Chelsea had just inadvertently nailed the issue of her web novel, Harper thought. Was it really true that she didn't know what she missed out on in real life? Could that really be her bottleneck, and should she really be considering using someone's help to get over it?
Of course, this was all about getting her book back on the right track. This was not about the person she was thinking of enlisting for help, not at all.
~ ~
Long after they left the pub, Harper found herself still mulling over their conversation. Chelsea's questions kept echoing in her head:
"Don't you see this is the perfect opportunity to pick things back up and steer it into the direction you want?"
"You're obviously still into him, right?"
She didn't want to admit it, but she knew that the relationship guru had spoken the truth.
Eli had been the deepest stamp in her heart for too long. She had dreamed of him throughout her high school years, looked forward to every holiday and vacation just so that she could see him again, and even been absent for her prom night because she didn't want to pick a date that wasn't him. It might've been a mere crush, but it was still big enough of a crush that she couldn't just easily get over with, despite the opposite that she claimed in Chelsea's presence.
She thought she could push him out of her life after that revelation four years ago. But if she didn't have any more lingering feelings for him, why did her heart race when he called? Why did she agree to the movie night? And why did it trouble her so much that she might've made an awkward impression around him?
"Why don't you use this opportunity to, you know, ask him for help?"
Gosh, how tempting was that suggestion.
Harper felt as if her mind was battling with itself. On one side, she resisted the mad thought, well aware that it'd probably only bring her more embarrassment like the one on Saturday night. Yet on the other side, she couldn't help but try to pull on that thin thread. If this was her only chance …
She huffed, suddenly feeling like an idiot. What was she thinking? It wasn't like she was actually going to date him, was she? Even if she decided to go with this plan, it was just for the experience. As an added bonus, she could also reach some kind of closure on those silly teenage feelings and finally lay them to rest.
And what did she have to lose anyway? Friendship? Modesty? Her innocent and pure image in front of him? The first one had already been ruined four years ago. The second one was nothing but a hindrance to her writing career. The third one, unfortunately, was a ship long sailed ever since he read the first word of her trashy writing.
Harper turned those thoughts over and over in her head. She found no flaws in them. So she steeled her resolve, making up her mind.
She was going to do this. But, she'd take it tactfully and carefully. She picked up her phone, scrolled down to her messages with Eli, and clicked the text box.
[ Just checking back in … I think I could use some help on my next chapter. When are you free? ]
She closed her eyes, breathed in, breathed out. Then she hit send.