Everything made sense, but it didn't settle well for Young Jae. It was against everything he knew so far.
It contradicted with his idea of a relationship. He was raised in a family which focuses on 'what the society would say' made it harder to accept the more open view of this guy.
Because of his family and societal norms, Young Jae ignored his sexual orientation for a long time. Until Jo Rim came along and said all those sweet words, he made Young Jae believe that they can be lovers. But in reality, Rim was helping Young Jae's cousin to out him. When he saw the disgust from the family, it hit him.
He lived his life under their dictation only to get disgusted and hatred gaze from them. An only good thing that came out of 'forced to be out' to his family was, he accepted his sexuality for the first time. He stopped hiding it to others, but he was not proud of it.
But here this guy had sex with many guys and walked away when they had feelings.
'At least he was honest and didn't lead anyone on or lied to them with personal motive' a tiny hesitant voice softly spoke inside Young Jae's head.
"Maybe. But what you did was not right!" Young Jae still stood by value.
"I never said I was right. At the same time, I don't believe that I am at fault. I didn't do anything wrong." Min Jun shrugged it off.
"I am confused. You can be either right or wrong. How can you be neither?" Young Jae spoke again without thinking.
He continued to speak if he could attempt to make a damage control. Afterall Min Jun took care of him in his cousin's absence, and his cousin cared about this guy. "What I meant was..."
"I know what you meant, Hyung. Don't worry. Things can't be right or wrong always. There are grey areas. There are things beyond these categories. Don't you think?"
Young Jae didn't have an answer to this. He just swallowed.
'Maybe this conversation was wrong. I don't think I can help him with this. Why did I confidently agree to this?' Young Jae thought frantically.
"I don't understand. I don't think I can understand or be of any help." Young Jae gave up.
"It's okay. Leave it. We don't need to talk about it" Min Jun comforted Young Jae.
"I really want to help, but I don't know how to. Especially when I don't understand the situation." Young Jae said with gloomy tone.
'Useless. You can't even understand but want to help. The only thing you are good at is gaming and making video games. Nothing else.' Young Jae screamed at himself in the head.
"If you want to understand, I can draw a parallel. It can help you. That doesn't mean I expect you to help me. All I want is an ear to rant on, but everyone is busy with work and somsatang. So you listen to me will help me more than enough. It is my problem. I have to figure it out on my own." Min Jun assured him.
"Then tell me" Young Jae spoke his words again without giving much thought. But he didn't regret it for the first time.
"I am gay, which is wrong to the society. They can't accept it. But for me, this is who I am—a guy who is attracted to someone who is a guy. I accept me for who I am. To the society I am wrong, but I am doing right for myself. I don't care about society, or it's standards and values. Just like how they could never understand me for being who I am. Now tell me who is right who is wrong here, the society or me?" Min Jun asked but didn't expect an answer.
"You and I can't answer this because there is nothing right or wrong here. It is all about the societal view and personal beliefs. This is same but different. And complicated..." Min Jun paused to see the reaction from Young Jae.
"I didn't force anyone or lead anyone on to hurt them. I didn't act against my personal beliefs. But I did have a sloppy lifestyle which I was not a proud aspect in my point of view, Hyung." The tired sigh of Min Jun made Young Jae realise how much it was weighing the younger man down.
"I just regret who I was as a teenager. I could have been better but ended up doing all sort of stupid things."