Dylan
Home. I had finally made it home but the relief that I had anticipated filling me, well didn't.
Home
What makes a place a home. I didn't know how to answer that to myself. Looking at my dark one bedroom cottage from the outside made me feel desolate and empty instead of warm and welcoming.
That's what a home should bring right, warmth. Maybe I'll find out one day, but as of yet, I have never felt that in any of the places I have called home before.
The pack orphanage was warm, but none of the people there were ever very kind to me. It had been the only home I had ever known, but I never once felt like I belonged there.
At fifteen I had finally been given permission to move out on my own with the condition that I would maintain my grades and work part-time to help pay for my own expenses.
Living on pack land was not like living in the human world. We didn't have the same kinds of rules, lifestyles, or problems as each other. The type of lives that shifters or magical beings live is tougher, so we tend to mature much faster.
In pack communities we marry and mate before we are even out of our teens and many of us become warriors even before that. Adolescence is almost non-existent in this world.
The world we live in seems to exist in a separate little bubble inside the real world or outside of it depending on how you like to look at it. The stories, books, and movies that exist don't ever paint the pictures of what pack life is like.
Life.
My life has never been easy. Comparing myself to others has always been hard, but trying to live up to a world like the human world that seems so close, but yet so far, made me feel inconsequential.
When Alpha Rogan gave me permission to live in one of the empty bunk cabins, I jumped at the opportunity. I found a part-time transcription position that allowed me to work remotely. The company was owned by some "in the know" humans, and they gave me a laptop, equipment, and phone to use.
Rae must have been still mostly out of it because it's not like her let my feelings get the best of me. I know it's not her responsibility to control my emotions, but I had never relied on anyone in my life beside her.
So many things were trying to go through my mind as I stood in front of this little house, but none of them brought me satisfaction. Rae was probably the only thing that ever helped me get through this life.
I guess Rae was home for me. I mean she has been with me since before I can even remember. Not knowing what living with parents or a family is like, I honestly couldn't compare.
We were taught in school that we would meet our wolves on the night of our first shift. For most wolves this happened between the age of thirteen and fifteen depending on how long it took us to transition into adulthood or puberty.
Somehow I ended up being an exception to this rule because Rae has always been with me. Now, I wasn't able to complete my first shift until the first full moon after my fourteenth birthday, but still existed inside of me.
During classes in grade school when we went over this information I knew better than to ask any of my teachers about the voice that lived inside my head. No matter how young I was, I knew that if I shared this information with anyone that they would have sent me away or tried to lock me up somewhere.
Maybe it was luck, or maybe it was because I had been so royally f*cked over when I was born, that the gods saw fit to try to give me something to help me get through this miserable life not so alone.
I usually loved the fact that I was able to live out here on my own, away from the pack house and children's home that I grew up in, but today, I am far from thrilled at the prospect of how long my walk is going to be.
The gods must be feeling charitable because I was absolutely certain that there was no way that I could have made it home on my own. Either that or they have something else in store to torture me and needed me around a little longer for it to play out.
Taking a deeper breath than I probably needed, I leaned forward to propel myself forward toward the door. I just needed to get inside to my bed and then I could finally rest.
All the questions from today were running through my mind on replay. I had no answers though.
None for them.
None for myself.
Why did I even care about what they think of me. I have known for a long time how much I am disliked in this pack. Learning how to push past their words and actions is something I have been doing for years, but for some reason I can't shake it today.
Maybe it was because I lost control and let someone else see Rae. This was the first time in a long time that anyone other than Alpha Rogan and a few of his personal guards have seen me shift. Knowing what I look like has always made me insecure, but since I haven't seen what others' wolves look like I am unsure of the differences between Rae and other wolves.
To me, she is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. And of course Rae claimed she was a pure goddess. I would love to compare her to others in my pack, but since Alpha Rogan has prohibited this to keep me safe, I have never chanced it. Well, at least before today.
My head was killing me, and I couldn't think any more. I just needed to get inside, but in my hurry to get away from everything, I noticed too late that the door was slightly ajar. Instead of leaning against it, it fell right open with my weight and I found myself falling.
I landed flat on my face for the second time today. It took too long to try to pull on Rae and get her to check our surroundings for the intruder so I just gave up and let what ever may happen, happen.
In the back of my mind I silently prayed that Eren hadn't come here and wanted to try to finally finish me off for good. There would be no way that I could fight him, or much less anyone off at this point.
The smell of alcohol, pepper, and soap hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew that I was not going to get to rest anytime soon because there was definitely someone in my house.